I am out of town for my baby sister's wedding, so things are CRAZY. Knowing that I would be missing the WTA episode, I reached out to Shelby to see if she would guest post for me, and she said YES! Y'all I am so excited for today's Bachelor recap! Shelby is a friend that I met through one of my best friends (many, many years ago) and she is the funniest and most sincere person you will ever have the pleasure of knowing (or in this case, reading)! Thank you, Shelby for this guest post. Happy reading!
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Every time I watch another installment of The Bachelor: Women Tell All (WTA), I can’t help but ask myself why I watch this show. Is it the romance? The drama? The strategic, less-than-flattering editing that creates that drama? For me, it’s probably Chris Harrison, but that’s another post for another day.
The episode began with Chris Harrison (there are just some people who must be referred to by both their first and last names and Chris Harrison is one of them) and Ben hopping on a party bus to make “surprise” visits to Bachelor viewing parties. I want to believe these visits were staged, but I just can’t imagine throngs of women wanting to meet Ben in adult onesies for a Monday night pajama party. I’d love to know if these groups submitted information about their viewing parties for ABC to choose from, because they managed to score two key demographics by featuring an adorable baby in a Mrs. Higgins/#Hometowns appropriately sized baby onesie, and aneven more adorable Italian grandmother who said that Ben was too skinny and should be fed lasagna. The only thing missing was a small dog dressed up in Bachelor fan gear. Ben posed for selfies, Face-Timed a mom or two and passed out some roses, leaving me to one conclusion: I need to watch this show with more people, ideally in the greater Los Angeles area. (it might make me feel better about my devotion to it).
Back in the studio, Chris Harrison tells us that this season, a record number of women told Ben they loved him. And we all know that if they appear on stage in this episode, none of that love was reciprocated. But these ladies are troopers, bouncing back from various stages of heartbreak to throw shade at each other and Ben one more time in front of a live TV audience.
WTA episodes are great because they remind us of some of the contestants who were gone too soon from the show. Especially, Tiara, the “chicken enthusiast,” who begged the question “What comes first? The chicken or the ben?” While she may have been eliminated on night one, Tiara confidently returns in a white dress that I would not have been brave enough to wear with a bird sitting on my lap. In true Tiara form, she failed to speak during the episode, but the chicken got great airtime and is in the running for Bachelorette.
The drama montage was a great Cliff’s Notes summary of the season so far. You can never have too many clips of womenogling Ben, Ben running shirtless through the grass or revising that awkward pheromone episode where they had to smell each other.
WTA gave us a great opportunity to check back in with Lace, who relying on words of wisdom from her own tattoo, sent herself packing pretty early in the season to go work on herself. She appeared in what can only be described as a figure skating dress borrowed from Nancy Kerrigan. It’s unclear what kind of work she put in, but apparently she is now more aware of the awful faces she made when judging the other contestants and tries not to use the word “crazy” as much. But hey, if the shoe fits… The highlight of the Chris Harrison-Lace sit down was without a doubt the guy from the audience who got a Lace tattoo. I could provide some in-depth analysis here, but just like Oprah, I’m a firm believer that you attract what you put out into the universe, so Lace, that guy may just be your soul mate. As if that wasn’t enough, Chris Harrison extended an invitation for Lace to appear on Bachelor in Paradise. I can’t think of a better fit for one of this season’s earlier villains than Bachelor in Paradise. I’m lobbying for the series to be subtitled: “Hooking up and being crazy in a beautiful vacation destination.”
As always, it’s pure chaos when 26 of the 28 women who competed for Ben’s heart come together on stage. And true to form, there is always one contestant, barely memorable from the season who speaks up every chance she gets (and then some). That contestant was Jami, who decided to play the race card, when talk turned to Jubilee.
Speaking of Jubilee, I never quite knew what to make of her during the season. I just don’t think the chemistry was there with Ben (it happens), but she’s a pretty remarkable woman and Chris Harrison’s extended Q&A with her was bizarre. I think my close personal friend Amy Schumer said it best on Twitter:
So shout-out to Jubilee. Chris should have thanked her for her service before he began grilling her like a hot dog.
What I was most looking forward to during this episode was a chance to see if Olivia had gained any self-awareness from her time being marooned on that island during the 2-on-one date that led to her being sent home. The good news is Olivia did in fact make it off of the island, the bad news is, she’s still awful.
How could we forget Olivia, the self-proclaimed frontrunner, who was given the first impression rose on night one? You know, the one who likes to “talk smart” because “intellectual things are just her jam.” She provided quite the memorable montage this season, from bullying Amanda with a cruel “teen mom” joke, to stealing Ben every chance she could. Olivia defended some of her actions by saying that she did a lot of what she did because “she was there for Ben.” Well, Olivia, if you hadn’t realized during filming, or from watching it air on ABC, so was everyone else.
Olivia justified a lot of her behavior (I think) by saying that she was bullied. I guess her defense mechanism was bullying everyone else in the house. It’s safe to say Olivia didn’t make too many friends this season and she definitely didn’t make a fan in me. For someone who claims to be a public figure (former news anchor?), Olivia’s lack of self-awareness led her to being the one that the women have to gather the courage to tell Ben isn’t the same with him as she is in the house, and we all know (with the exception of Leah’s bizarre attempt to throw Lauren under the bus), that just doesn’t fly in Bachelor Nation. I thought Olivia came off as less than sympathetic, but I am glad she made it off that island.
Of all the women up there, Caila seemed the most genuinely distraught by Ben sending her home. But man, her hair looked flawless. It was almost painful to watch Caila watch Ben send her home. I’m glad Caila embraced her “Sex Panther” nickname, and from what I’ve read in all the classiest gossip rags, it appears she may be on her way to being the first-ever Sex Panther, northeast Ohioan Bachelorette. Anyone, but Olivia or Becca (am I right, Mere?!)
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but this season, Ben told the two finalists that he loved them. This was unprecedented and a hot topic on the WTA stage. When Ben finally came out to greet all the ladies he sent packing, I expected more shade. But what we learned was that Becca felt lucky that men like Ben exist. I would too considering Chris Soules was the most boring bachelor in history. Ben’s ability to identify which twin was which impressed even the unflappable Chris Harrison, who admitted he had trouble all along.
For trudging through the interviews we were gifted with a bloopers package that made it all worthwhile. Nobody runs from bugs like Bachelor contestants.
While I would have spent the majority of the reunion talking about that group date where they swam with pigs (still not over that), all in all, it was a classic WTA ep. I think Ben has managed to keep it real as the Bachelor, and according to him he’s ready to get married ASAP…hopefully to JoJo because I picked her to go all the way (pun fully intended) in my Bachelor Fantasy League.
Seeing as I’m neither semi-balanced, nor a mama, it was a thrill to be asked to guest blog this week’s episode. I’m looking forward to Meredith’s regularly scheduled post following what promises to be (or at least has been advertised as) the most dramatic final rose ceremony in Bachelor history. If you need me, I’ll be reading books and talking smart.
--Shelby
